So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
