When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
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