did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
