I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
