hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
