new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
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