We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Randomize
