I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
