Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
