Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Randomize
