just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Randomize
