I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
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