My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Randomize
