I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Randomize
