I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
