we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
