i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize
