I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
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