when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
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