so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
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