nut hugger
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
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