Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
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