She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
