This dress was meant to end up on your floor
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Randomize
