Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
