I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
