I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
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