dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
