i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
Randomize
