I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
i think im in europe. pls send help
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Randomize
