My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
that is very illegal...i love you.
Randomize
