Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
