24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
