I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
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