there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
Four minutes until I can fart!
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
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