Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
I understand Curling. That high.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
