it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Randomize
