Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
I have feelings that need drinking.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
