i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking ros�, bitch!
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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