1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
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