Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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