i think i have two assholes
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
We need a shit load of segways right now
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
