wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Randomize
