my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
You work out of a Hotel?
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Randomize
