That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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