can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Randomize
