She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize
