I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
