ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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