I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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