All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
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