OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
