you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
