it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
How naked do you want me to be?
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
