So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
