Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
