he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
