I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Randomize
