First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
