Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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